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3 Tips for Increasing the Awesome at Work

Last week I wrote about increasing the awesome vs. decreasing the suck and how I think that the only way to decrease what sucks is by focusing on what's awesome. Since then I've been thinking a lot about how to increase the awesome in my work life--what is it that we can do to bring the awesome? 

Here are three tips I came up with from noticing my own practice. . . 

1. Tune into the emotions of Awesome. 

The surest route to the Awesome, I'm finding, is to tune into my emotions. Whenever I feel curious, inspired, energized, hopeful, engaged, connected, and/or like I'm having fun, I know I'm accessing the Awesome. When I feel unmotivated, frustrated, irritated or apathetic, I'm most definitely living in the Suck. 

Each day I'm trying to begin with attuning myself to the feelings I want to have during my work day, reminding myself about the feelings of the Awesome. I also set the intention of trying to notice my Awesome emotions throughout my day, acknowledging them to myself and others.

It's been especially interesting to acknowledge a shift in energy to other people. They immediately know what I'm talking about and become even more energized, tuning into their own emotions of the Awesome and wanting more of that. I'm trying to be more purposeful in in doing this, as I find that this acknowledgement increases my chances of having Awesome converations (see below). 

2. Ask Awesome Questions

In the past 6 months, I've become increasingly interested in the power of questions to move me and the people I work with toward the Awesome. I'm firmly convinced that the questions we ask are at least as important as the answers. And I've found that asking Awesome questions actually is part of what increases our connection to and feelings of the Awesome. 

Some of the questions that have been working for me:

• Why do I care about this situation? This reconnects me to purpose which connects me to Awesome. 

• What possibilities and learning do I see? Seeing challenges and problems leads me to the Suck. When I look at possibilities and learning, I find the Awesome.

• What do I want more of? When I tune into the emotions of the Awesome, I also notice what I'm doing at the time. Who am I with? What is happening? If possible, I will try to tune into the moment when the energy shifts from the Suck to the Awesome. Then I try to figure out how I can get more of whatever it was that created the Awesome. How can I inject it going forward? 

• If success was completely guaranteed, what bold steps would I take? This may be the surest route to the Awesome. Usually I find that what is keeping me in the Suck isn't that I don't know what to do. It's that I'm afraid to do it. Or at least to try. So asking this question leads me to take the bold steps. . . most of the time. 

I've also been trying to find the "big questions" underneath the smaller ones. What is the REAL quest that I am on? I look for the forest, not the trees and often this leads me back to the Awesome. 

3. Have Awesome Conversations

Although the Awesome can sometimes be a solitary pursuit, most of the time it is not. Even if I'm going to do the work alone, having the right conversations can help me better articulate my vision of the Awesome. They can also help me connect to people and resources that help make the Awesome happen. 

This year is my year of conversation and I'm finding that the more I seek out and lean into creating Awesome conversations, the better I feel and the better my work is. 

To me, the hallmark of an Awesome conversation is that it generates Awesome emotions. If I'm feeling the energy of inspiration, hope, and possibility, then I know I'm having a conversation that will lead to the Awesome. If I'm feeling like I want to stab my own eye out, I know I'm mired in a conversation that supports the Suck. 

Awesome conversations mean that I'm talking about what really matters. I'm engaging with the Awesome questions and I'm noticing and acknowledging the awesome emotions. Most importantly, I'm acting as a host, creating a space for the Awesomeness to occur, being open to what happens and giving up my pre-conceived ideas of how things should go. 

I have found that some people are more amenable to the Awesome conversation than others. While I believe that everyone wants to have Awesome conversations, I'm not as skillful as I'd like to be in drawing people into those if they aren't at least halfway there. That's actually one of the areas I want to work on--how to help people who are really stuck in the Suck to find and access the Awesome. 

 

So these are my 3 tips for increasing the Awesome. What are you doing to increase the Awesome at work? 

Tough Questions for Your Professional Development

Through a friend, I discovered the In Good Company blog and this excellent post on 5 tough questions entrepreneurs should be asking themselves.

Reading through the questions, I thought they could easily be adapted to anyone, whether they work for themselves or for someone else, so here they are. Just replace "business" with "job" if you're working for someone else.  

1: If you could wave a magic wand to instantly fix three things in your business, what would they be? 
(be honest, don’t just say “get more clients”…what do you KNOW is broken)
* What prevents you from fixing these things on your own?

2: What three things would you stop doing for the business if you didn’t have to?
* Why don’t you? What would make doing them better?

3: What are you doing only because you feel like you “should”?
* What would happen if you didn’t?

4: What important thing do you never seem to have “time for”?
* Why? What makes it hard to prioritize?

5: What have you given up for your business or to be an entrepreneur?
* Are you OK with that sacrifice?

How does answering these questions create movement for you? What new questions open up for you? 

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I have another career visioning session coming up on February 21. It's a great opportunity for you to get a clearer picture of your career in just a few hours. More information and the sign-up form are here. 

Emotions and Your Career

With my Career Clarity Camp, we're entering the home stretch and starting to integrate the lessons we've learned. One of the things we're working on this week is looking at the emotions we feel about the work we've been doing, which got me thinking about the power of emotions at work. 

Emotions at Work

One thing I've learned about work is that being "professional" often (usually?) means being unemotional. On a regular basis we are asked to check our emotions at the door, especially any negative emotions we may have like sadness, fear, anxiety, confusion, etc. But positive emotions, like joy, aren't often welcome at work either.  I think it's because emotions have a way of getting messy and "out of control." They are also distractions from just getting things done.  

The other issue with emotions at work is that so often we are rushing to DO things that it's hard to notice what we are feeling in the first place. We are just dealing with the the next thing on our "To Do" lists and it's hard to stop for even a few seconds to reflect on what we may be feeling. 

 All of this blocking of emotions, though, takes a toll. Emotions aren't really amenable to blocking. They just go underground until they explode in some way we would prefer they hadn't. Or they coil up inside us, clogging our creativity and our connection to ourselves. This blockage, in turn, leads to boredom and apathy. 

Working with Our Emotions

It's unfortunate that we spend so much time keeping emotions out of our work because they can be some of the most valuable clues we have to work with. Noticing where I feel energized or inspired or where I feel frustrated or anxious can tell me a lot about what I want more of and what I want less of at work. My emotions show me where there are problems or issues I need to deal with--work relationships that aren't' working or tasks that need to be looked at more closely. 

One thing I've encouraged the Career Clarity Campers to do is to make time in their days to pay attention to the emotions they're feeling as they go about their work. I've suggested that they stop once per hour or even 3-4 times a day to check in and ask themselves:

• What have I been doing? What activities have you been engaged in? 

• How do I feel about it? Note particularly the things you do that leave you feeling energized and interested. These may be things you want more of. 

• Who am I doing it with? See if there's something about the people you are working with or the conversations you are having that feels energizing to you. Or are you doing things alone? What does that tell you? 

 They then write down these experiences and their reactions and look for trends and themes over time. 

Tuning in to your emotions this way can be a great 30-day experiment.  Paying attention in particular to the things that are inspiring or energizing so you can bring more of it into your work is also one of the best ways to increase the awesome.

I've found, too, that when I focus on the emotions I'm feeling in a work day, I do a better job of connecting with people and with building richer relationships. I notice when an interaction feels particularly positive and I can acknowledge that with the person I'm talking to. This always creates an even deeper bond. I can also see where emotions like boredom or frustration are telling me that I need to revisit how I'm handling something. This often leads to more fruitful conversations on how I can revise what I'm doing. 

Our emotions should not be left at the door when we go to work each day. Not only does that not work anyway, but our emotional lives are rich sources of learning and connection. They are our authentic selves communicating with us about our experiences and relationships. We need them to do our best work and to have conversations that matter. 

So what role do your emotions play in your work life? Do you bring them with you to work or do you check them at the door? 

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Are You "Stuck" or Just Resting?

Tomorrow, I'll be starting a 7-day course on getting unstuck for people who may be feeling like they're getting nowhere fast. (Note--there are still slots available if this is you, so you may want to sign up.)

As I'm pulling final pieces together for the class, I'm thinking about the "frames" we set up around being stuck--the stories we tell ourselves when we find ourselves in this situation.  Often it's the stories themselves that are keeping us stuck. 

Probably the biggest story we tell ourselves is that we are, in fact, stuck.  Just look at some of the synonyms for "stuck":

• Trapped
• Caught
• Burdened
• At a standstill
• Without ideas
• Up against the wall
• At your wits end

The more I say "I'm stuck," the more real these feelings become for me. All I can think of is my "stuckness," which means all I can think of is how trapped, burdened and caught I am in my situation. And, of course, the more trapped I feel, the more I resist that feeling. But "stuckness" is like quicksand. The more we resist it, the more it pulls us downward. Not exactly a recipe for moving forward is it?

The other thing that happens when we think of ourselves as "stuck" is that we immediately start beating ourselves up for it. If you listen closely to your internal dialogue, you'll hear that little voice saying "Well you SHOULDN'T be stuck. What kind of person gets stuck? No one else is stuck--it's just you. There's clearly something wrong here and you SHOULD do something about it." We start judging and berating ourselves which, ironically, only makes us feel MORE stuck!

So what happens if we change the "frame"? If we stop seeing seeing ourselves as "stuck" and think of this pause as something else?

If we look at our lives as a journey, traveling on a path, then we know that in every journey there are times when you need to stop and rest. Sometimes we choose those moments, but sometimes those moments choose us. In any journey, there's the time you decide to stop for something to eat and there's the time that you get sick because you've been going too hard and have to stop for a few days. It's just how life works.

We also know that in any journey, if we look at a particular moment in time, then it feels like that moment goes on forever. But in reality it doesn't. Eventually we start moving again. We never stay in one place. You've been "stuck" before, but you didn't stay there forever. You always moved on. That's also how life works. 

So what happens if I stop telling myself that I'm "stuck" and start telling myself that I'm just resting right now? What if I just accept that for whatever reason, I'm not ready to move forward? There's nothing wrong with me, I'm not a "bad" person because I'm not ready to move. It just is what it is.  

If I think of myself as "resting," one thing I can see right away is that I can CHOOSE to rest.  I automatically feel better because I'm not trapped into this place where I'm at today. This isn't a burden. I'm not up against the wall. I'm choosing it. In this case, choice is a wonderful thing. It can instantly make us feel better. 

Thinking of myself as "resting," is also restorative and nurturing.  We need rest in our lives, so maybe this rest that I'm taking is necessary. Maybe the very thing I need right now is this rest. Maybe I can use it to take a closer look at my situation and see what it's trying to teach me--how can I learn from this place that I'm at right now? 

Finally, if we think of ourselves as "resting," then we can stop beating ourselves up so much for being where we're at. We can be kinder to ourselves and stop the negative self-talk that ends up making us feel more "stuck." We can just say to that berating inner voice, "I'm resting right now. I need this.  Leave me alone." 

I'm not saying that changing your story from "stuck" to "resting" is going to instantly change your life, but it does open up more opportunities for new ideas and action. It can give us the space we need to see another way. It can also show us the choices we have in this situation where we feel stuck, including the choice to look for new stories to tell about where we are. 

This is a strategy I've used several times in my life over the past year for both personal and professional situations. It has opened up some major doorways in my thinking and really transformed how I approach those moments in my life when previously I thought of myself as "stuck." 

So what happens if you stop thinking of yourself as "stuck" and start leaning into "resting"? How does it change the possibilities you see? And what other stories do you tell yourself when you're feeling "stuck?" How could those shift too? 

Two Steps for Making Your Career Dreams Happen

I'm at the end of Week 1 with my Career Clarity Camp and we're heading into Week 2, where we'll start to turn our career visions into some meaningful action. 

One thing I'm realizing as we go through this process is how often we sideline our dreams. We worry that we may fail in our efforts or that we will do something stupid or embarrassing. Sometimes we wait around for someone else to go first. We can also consume ourselves with activities that SEEM like they're moving us forward, but they really aren't. 

Here's what I've discovered in my life. If you want to make a dream happen, there are two things you need to do:

1. Acknowledge your dreams without shame or judgement. 

Too many of us are ashamed of our dreams. We feel like there is something wrong with us for wanting what we want.

A lot of people I work with, for example, are creative, artistic souls and they judge themselves for wanting more beauty, freedom, connection and  joy in their professional lives. These are typically not valued at work, or we pay them lipservice, so people get the message that these are frivolous desires. Nice if you can find them, but not practical. 

Have we all really bought into the notion of our society as simply a vast machine for "productivity" and "return on investment," such that wanting something more soul-filling is frivolous? I'm afraid that we have, based on the shame and judgement I see in people who say they want something more. 

And it is this judgement--both internal and external--that holds people back from really pursuing what they want. They hear that they must be "practical" and "realistic," which really means that they must give in to a culture that has lost sight of its humanity at work. So they do it, because it's expected, but they are dying inside. 

So the first step in making a dream happen is to embrace it, to love it and accept it without reservation, judgement or shame. You must name it and claim it for you to move ahead. 

2. Make them happen.

For those of us who have finally embraced what we want as necessary and worthy, the second step is to make your dreams happen. That sounds obvious, but it's not. Too many of us wait for someone to come along who will say "Hey--I hear you have a dream. Let me make it a reality for you." If you want to talk "unrealistic," that's where we get into trouble. 

To make a dream happen,  you will have to move it. You have to take risks. You have to experiment and explore and be willing to fall on your face. You have to accept the dark side of creation and be kind to yourself in that process. 

You also have to be willing to take the lead and be in charge, to put yourself out there in the world and be willing to be identified with your dream. You have to talk to people around you, let them know what you're dreaming. You'll be amazed at what comes your way when you are finally acting from a true place of acceptance and inspiration. 

Making your dream happen isn't an event. It's a process. It's doing something each day that moves you closer to what you want. It's a series of steps you take, one foot in front of the other, until you arrive at your destination. There will be stumbles and missteps, but the journey itself will be far more rewarding than staying in place without dreams. I promise you that. 

Accepting your dream and then acting on it--that's all it takes to make things happen. So simple, yet so hard to do. . . 

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My 7-Day Getting Unstuck Course starts January 31! If you're feeling stuck and need some help moving forward, you can sign up here. 

 

Change Your Frames, Change Your Career Story

“Frames are mental structures.  As a result, they shape the goals we seek, the plans we make, the way we act, and what counts as a good or bad outcome of our actions. Reframing is changing the way the public sees the world. . . . Because language activates frames, new language is required for new frames. Thinking differently requires speaking differently.”

                                                                --George Lakoff, Don't Think of an Elephant

I first encountered the idea of "frames" when I was reading George Lakoff's Don't Think of an Elephant. I've thought about them more since I've spent time with appreciative inquiry and its premise that "words create worlds," and was reminded again while reading Monoculture: How One Story is Changing Everything by F.S. Michaels over the holidays. 

Frames are our mental constructs--the ways we view the world. They often act on us subconsciously, which makes their power all the more insidious. 

One simple frame I've written about before is the idea of training and development as either a cost or an investment. 

If we see development as a "cost," then when it's time to "cut costs," training will be on the chopping block. If it's an "investment," then we need to consider what our return is and whether or not we need to make a greater investment at certain times. 

Another potential career frame that can be controlling our stories is thinking of our current job as either a prison or a home base.  When it is a prison, then we are powerless and have no control--other people are controlling what we do and how we do it. We have no choices and can't get out. But if it's a "home base," then it can be a space from which we explore other options. It's something that provides a level of stability while we seek change. 

You see, then, that if we change the frame, we change how we see the situation. We also change the options that are available to us. 

One of the things that I think is helpful when we think about our careers is trying to find the underlying "frame" for our story and seeing if there's another frame that could be more useful to consider. How could playing with different metaphors open up new possibilities?

What happens, for example, if I think of my career as a garden, in which I plant seeds and nurture plants to maturity, a garden where the crops are rotated in order to keep the soil healthy and rich?  How does this change how I approach my career?

Or what if I think of conversations at work as being relational, rather than transactional? In other words, what if I approach my conversations as a way to build up a rich network of relationships, rather than as simply a way to get things done? How does that change what I do? 

What if "failures" are "learning opportunities"? What if "problems" are "possibilities"? What if "I'm stuck," is "I'm resting" or "I'm lost" is "I'm on an adventure"? 

Writing a new career story means finding new frames and new language to describe our journey. One of the most powerful things we can do is to identify and change those frames that are no longer working for us.

When we feel stuck or confused or disheartened, we need to find the new frames that will let us write a better story. 

What career frames help or hinder you? How could you change your frames to help you create something new? 

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If you'd like a chance to look at your current career story and create a new one, sign up for the Career Clarity Camp, starting Monday, January 9. You can join a great group of people from all over the world who will be working on co-creating their own new stories. Information and sign-up is here. 

The Power of the "What"

In the past few days, I've had several people tell me about new jobs and plans that are finally panning out for them. After weeks or months of muddling and messiness, they find themselves back on the road--and it feels good. 

What shifted for them was that they became very clear about WHAT they wanted. They put work into clarifying their vision for the careers they wanted to create for themselves, what was important to them and what wasn't. They delineated what they needed and became willing to shed what they didn't. 

In gaining clarity about the "What," they began to let go of HOW they would get there. They stopped putting energy into all the steps and worrying about how they could make their vision happen and just worked on the vision itself. Once they did that, the "How" began to move. In a few cases, this movement took them in surprising directions they hadn't anticipated. But they were willing to go with the flow and it took them to the "What" of their vision. 

Why does this work? A few reasons, I think. 

First, often when we are focusing on the "How," we are going in many different directions without a clear vision. We are a culture that values action over reflection and pursuing the "How" feels like we're doing something. But if we aren't clear about the "What," then our actions will be ineffective at best. We are engaging in activity, not real action. 

I also believe that focusing on the "What" makes action clearer to us. All of a sudden the path is illuminated  because we are clear about exactly where we want to go, at least for the next few steps. We know what to leave behind and what to take with us. We know the steps we need to take. 

 Ultimately, though, the reason that focusing on "the What" works is because it is a focus on possibilities, not problem-solving. In his wonderful Civic Engagement and the Restoration of Community, Peter Block talks about the "Possibility Conversation":

The possibility conversation frees people to create new futures that make a difference. Problem-solving and negotiation of interests makes tomorrow only a little different from today. Possibility is a break from the past and opens space for a future we had only dreamed of. It may be that declaring a possibility wholeheartedly is the transformation. The leadership task is to postpone problem-solving and stay focused on possibility until it is spoken with resonance and passion. As Werner Erhard has so clearly stated, the possibility works on us, we do not work on the possibility (my emphasis). 

Focusing on "the What" is a focus on the possibilities, on the future. The clearer we are about those possibilities, the more passionately and wholeheartedly we can state those possibilities, the more that possibility will work on us. 

If we want to create a future that makes a difference for ourselves and the people around us, we need to let go of tinkering and problem-solving around the edges. We need to define and embrace the power of "the What." 

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If you want to embrace the power of the What for yourself, there are still a few openings in my upcoming Career Clarity Camp, which starts next Monday.  For more information and to sign up for the Camp, check out this link. 

Learning Together

(Socrates) introduced the idea that individuals could not be intelligent on their own, that they need someone else to stimulate them. . . His brilliant idea was that if two unsure individuals were put together, they could achieve what they could not do separately; they could discover the truth, their own truth, for themselves. 

                        --Theodore Zeldin, An Intimate History of Humanity

For many years, I suffered from undiagnosed depression. Eventually medication and great therapy freed me from the worst effects, but one thing I discovered in the aftermath was that through the years of living with the disease I had learned to be alone.

Depression causes us to isolate ourselves from other people. We feel like crap, think we are alone in feeling like crap, and so we learn the habits of withdrawal and loneliness. Just when we probably most need to be around other people, we are least likely to seek their support. 

I was reminded of my years of withdrawal today as I prepare for my upcoming Career Clarity Camp. In the past year in particular, I've become acutely aware of our need as humans to come together for strength, support and conversation.

Unfortunately, we are most likely to seek this when we are feeling good about ourselves and our lives. When we are confused or sad or angry or ashamed, we tend to withdraw, just at the moment when we most need human connection and understanding. 

I love the quote above (via David Gurteen) because I think it captures perfectly what I've realized works so well--that when we bring together two unsure individuals, the truth--their truth--will emerge.

The challenge for us is to be willing to come together in our uncertainty. We have to fight our natural tendency to withdraw in those moments of fear and confusion. The answers we seek lie within, but we are most likely to find them in pursuing our connection to others. 

Learning alone, having reflection time is important. But even more critical is reaching out to others in our uncertainty and being willing to learn together. This is how we uncover our true brilliance. 

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Join me in January to learn together about getting unstuck. I'll be running a 7-day course to create movement that will help you start to move toward the things you want most.  More information and the sign-up form are here. 

Knowing What to Do vs. Having the Will To Do It

I've had a lot of conversations with people about the choices they face in their lives. We can spend hours trying to get clarity, trying to narrow choices and get to the heart of things. Days, weeks, months, even years can be spent trying to "figure things out." 

Most of the time this process is for naught because they are chasing the wrong question. Instead of asking "what do I want to do?' they should be asking themselves "Why can't I bring myself to do what I know I want to do?"

I've found that deep in their hearts, most people DO know what they want. The real problem is that they lack the will to do it--an entirely different problem. 

If you truly don't know what you want to do, then by all means, explore and gather information. But, if you know in the deepest parts of yourself what you really want, but you're just afraid to go for it, then stop wasting time on getting clarity. Start looking at how you can find the courage to do what your heart already knows. 

Clarity or courage--which is it you really need? 

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Pursuing Your Dream

Cathy Scott writes in Forbes on how to leave an unsatisfying job and pursue your dream career:

How-to guides are regularly published about the process of pursuing new careers. I, however, don’t believe a guide can show you exactly how to do that. You have to first believe in yourself, and then take a risk. (my emphasis) Otherwise, you will stay in a dead-end job afraid to step away from your comfort zone.

I see a lot of people who keep looking for those "how to" guides. They want steps, a road map, an expert who will show them exactly how to do it. But what they really want is certainty and safety of the kind that they think they have with their unsatisfying job. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't. 

Having struck out on my own to create my own dream career, I know that what Cathy says is correct. It isn't about "how to" guides. It's about being willing to choose what you love, being willing to choose happiness over safety.  It starts with believing that you can do it and then taking the risk. It's about making the leap. 

Sure, eventually you will want and need practical information about how to move forward. Maybe you will need new education or training. Maybe you want to start your own business and will need help in doing that. 

But the biggest step you will take in pursuing your dream is to allow yourself to have it. The second step is finding the courage to pursue it. Don't look for the "how-to" guides that will make you do this. The only place you can look is within yourself. 

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